It's a scourge on today's society, it really is.  Whether through your e-web interbox
or actually in real-life across your doorcunt, there's no end to the amount of
wanktard people seem to want to send you, when most of it is destined for one sort of
bin or another.

Here's just some of the utter shitcunt I've been sent this week:

<from "daily funnies">
"Click here and read jokes and stuff blah blah blah" - when did I subscribe to this?
Never, that's when.  How do you unsubscribe?  You can't, that's how.  Into the
killfile with Daily Funnnies.

<from Nokia077648975117>
"Joe, this is my first time using my new phone to take pictures, look, also my first
time wearing those undies that you bought me blah blah smilie, attachment, blah" -
Fuck right off, Nokia.  I don't even _like_ mobile phones, and I certainly don't like
cunts who try to send me viruses.  *plonk*

<from OzTips Reminder>
"You have two days to blah blah blah> - Eh?  Wtf is OzTips?  Certainly doesn't sound
like the sort of thing I'd get involved in.  Delete delete delete.  Cunts.

<from TV Licensing Authority>
"According to our records, there is no television license at this address blah blah
blah fucking blah" - What's with these cunts?  I keep telling them I'm not
interested, I get all of my telly from a box in my living room, which connects to a
hole in the wall by this sort of flexible-tube thingy.  Why would I want a license?
Idiots.

<from my Mum>
"Dear Joe, are you coming over this summer?  You haven't phoned in ages etc etc" -
These bastards have an alarming knack of escaping killfiles, by constantly changing
the "from" field.  Very sneaky.  I eventually managed to shake them off by creating a
message rule involving the phrase "my condition has deteriorated", apologies to
anyone who has sent me a genuine boda-fido e-mail featuring these words and wondered
why I haven't replied.  Blame spamming cunts.

<from the Accounts Department>
"Joe, here are the preliminary budgets for next year.  You'll notice that the
projected income for September has been adjusted to accommodate blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah etc etc etc etc" - What I want to know is, how do these
twats get my e-mail address?  And if they think for one fucking second that I'm
opening that attachment, they'd better think again.  I wasn't born yesterday.

<from the milkman>
"Dear Customer, this week we are giving away free samples of our excellent juices,
just tick in the box of the juice you want and enjoy a complimentary etc etc etc
cunting etc" - Yeah, right.  No such thing as a free lunch, sure I'll take a pint of
OJ and the next thing I know, you'll be trying to sell me a timeshare or audit my
utilities.  Definitely a long-range dustbin-bound projectile moment.....he
shoots...he scores!!!11.  Don't you just love doing that?

<from Guy Banham>
"Hello mate, it's been a while.  Matt's away next week so his seat at the Kassam is
going spare, fancy coming over for the match?  Juid misses you etc etc blah blah wank
wank tard sausage cunt" - That's fucking amazing, that one.  The tenacity of it!  I
stopped going to Oxford United matches before the interweb was even created, ffs, and
I _still_ made it onto their database.  That sort of thing should be illegal.  Mark
as read, delete read messages.  That should do it.

The question is, how do you stop people sending stuff?  The best I can come up with,
I've stopped downloading any of my e-mails, ever, and I've glued my letterbox shut,
but it feels like a short-term solution at best.  If anyone has any ideas, I'd be
very grateful to hear them, although obviously don't fucking send them to me, and
definitely don't post them in this newsgroup as I think this might be part of the
problem so I'm unsubscribing as soon as I've sent this message.

Thanks for being so great, everyone, it's just a shame big businesscunts like Nokia
and Guy Banham had to ruin it.

Cunts.

Joe
--
PUSSY! (Marc of respect)